Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How does one acquire holy water?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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