Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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