jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
