Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
