ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think your dad took our porno
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
