when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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