i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
