i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
