well I can't set my house on fire every night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
