community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
