I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
