I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize