I hate all girls vehemently.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
