and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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