FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
