Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
