So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
