What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
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