i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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