The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
