Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
