pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
