wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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