I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
