I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
