Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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