Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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