I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
