i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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