Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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