That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
