dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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