singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
