Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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