Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
