I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize