His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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