I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
