I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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