The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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