dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
