The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
