she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
