Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
