we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
