Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
