I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
