Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
