She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
