So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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