Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
