Welp...herpes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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