i think i have two assholes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
