I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
