I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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