Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
