I think I died a long time ago.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
