How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
